Week Twenty Five
I have decided that the original masters of the trapeze and the high wire are little birds, and from them, surely the performance art was developed. There are two particular birds that seem to have a duo act on the telegraph wires in front of my home, they seem to defy any laws of gravity and flit and flutter between the two wires, I think they are courting. 
It’s amusing that the abundant bird song at the moment is basically either a call for mating or a claim of territory…’I’m so virile’ ….or… ‘this is where my nest is going to be’. Extraordinary that such sweet melody’s are the sounds of basic cries for home and reproduction. If I were given the choice of becoming an animal, being a bird would be possibly top of my list; they seem to have so much fun, all that bobbing, diving, sweeping and whooshing….oh and all that shouting out loud! 
Due to the power of solar rays that we have been blessed with I’ve been freckle gathering this week. The sun makes the sticky buds look like they have been dipped in golden syrup…they also feel like it to. The fine weather has been an advantageous addition to some rather beautiful walks, new places have been discovered, and old paths revisited. There is a beautiful cairn near Sunday Sight called ‘Dick’s Cairn’ and apparently a local shepherd whom worked the fells above it, would bring back a stone on his return journey and place it in the same place, thus creating the cairn. 
I have now witnessed the burning of the grass; I did so whilst the sun was setting. From a distance it looked beautiful and close up was even better. Whilst the orange flames licked the individual strands of grass the crackling sound was glorious. Although the shapes made by the fire were unintentional the sweeping curves looked like deliberate artistic marks in the landscape.
“Never did I think so much, exist so vividly and experience so much, as in the journeys I have taken alone and on foot” Jean Jacques Rousseau 
When I find myself walking I sense that the possibilities are endless, physically, emotionally and mentally. I like the feeling that I never know what I may encounter on route, what may hold my attention, what may lead me to a dead end or open up to new horizons. And even if the path is one I have walked many times, the outcome can be different every time. As I have no sense of direction and I am (still) a particularly bad map-reader, I like the landscape to take me on a journey instead, a stream invites me to follow it, to keep it company as it twists and turns, sheep tracks feel like secret mazes across the fell, and quad bike tracks have a sense of purpose. Approximately twenty years ago I read ‘Island’ by Aldous Huxley, and recently I keep thinking of that book, or rather I keep remembering one aspect of the novel.
The particular narrative that I recall regards parrots. On the ‘island’ the parrots call constantly in a parroty speaky kinda way, and what they constantly say is….(best parrot imitation needed here)….”here and now”….”here and now”….”here and now”. I have began to say this to myself (rather a lot recently) whilst walking, my mind may drift to trivial things, you know the kinda stuff, what your going to have for dinner, the rising price of baked beans or something equally mundane, and I try to bring myself back to the present, to be aware of what is going on around me, to look clearly, to pay attention and to notice, physically, mentally and emotionally, therefore I say out loud…”here and now Jilly…..here and now”.
I realise I have to apply all of the above to my artwork. It is perhaps a drawn line that will take me to a new place or equally a dead end. By being in the ‘here and now’ I can follow a route which is led by the evolving artwork, but I have to listen to the right voices inside to get to the heart of the creation, I have to be aware and ‘let go’ into the creative process, trust in myself and in my ability to create so that the answers will appear. I have been recently ‘churning’ drawings out, but I have not been listening, looking or even absorbing. It’s like climbing a mountain, or just going for a walk and just concentrating on the end result. The destination or the top of the accent becomes the main aim of focus without taking into to consideration the journey that has led you there. I have thought of an idea and have rushed to get to the finish line, I have only seen the end result and have tried to force the art to fit my vision. I have to stop, step back and look. I think the notion of an exhibition here in June has led me to rush ahead. 
Although essentially I will be the ‘work in progress’ artist, I have put myself under pressure wanting something to be finished, I have been worrying that all the other artists exhibiting will have made finished pieces for the celebratory event (ten years of this residency), I don’t want to appear out of place. This is probably also mixed with plain ol basic fear; I don’t want to be rubbish either. All of this has got in the way of the ‘here and now’, a place I need to stand in….the art will then follow….it may be finished for June….it may not be ….it will be what it will be.
It has been quite a moving week, mentally, physically and emotionally and I have learnt a lot. The hardest part of course is putting all my realisations into action, but thankfully there is the opportunity and space here to try. This Saturday saw many of the past VARC artists in residence returning to what was once their home, their studio. They had come to explore which sites their artworks may be integrated to either the landscape or the outer buildings for the June celebrations. Although every artist would have had a different experience here, it was interesting that we all share this common bond. Everyone has had a unique experience here, most seem to love the place and all share a passion for art. It will certainly be an exciting and eventful time in June. 
Particular thanks this week to William and Cynthia for their incredible generosity and the fabulous dinner we had in the manor house. To Anthony Key for helping me see a clearer route. To Julia, Helen, Karen and Kim for a most fantastic walk, with excellent company and their abundant creative wisdom….and of course Aldous Huxley for….”here and now”. Week twenty five ….done!